I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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