i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
