Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
