she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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