He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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