There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
