I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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