So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
