Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Shame is for Republicans.
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