bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
