non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
