I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am available for nakedness
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
