Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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