You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
