Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
