so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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