you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
