i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
