her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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