my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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