OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
