Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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