I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
