Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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