I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
