i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't think brook has ever known best
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
