dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
