sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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