I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
