You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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