toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
