ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
