Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
