That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
