Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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