Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
