If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
