I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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