turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
