I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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