ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
