I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
