....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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