Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
