dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
