I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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