had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Boobs are out for the taking
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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