I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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