I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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