Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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