Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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