i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
