We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
