what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
