I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
