how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
